you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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