dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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