I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
