He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize