I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
