I think I am morally bankrupt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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