need another drink. this is the easiest way
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
