Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize