Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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