Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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