Im at strip club and am horny
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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