Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
where are my eyebrows?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
