I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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