shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
