I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
