before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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