What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
