It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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