More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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