i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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