Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
