shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
