He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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