people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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