considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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