Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
