I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
