Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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