One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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