Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
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Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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