Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
