Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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