the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
