Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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