i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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