walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
