everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
