Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

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  (978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm? http://tfl.nu/7m7e
  Replies (22) Good night (1973) Bad night (4069)
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  (818): View more from California

  I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.

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  (818): I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek. http://tfl.nu/wo3r
  Replies (18) Good night (3638) Bad night (4910)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (945) Bad night (5903)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.

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  (734): I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out. http://tfl.nu/oiev
  Replies (5) Good night (2905) Bad night (1247)
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  (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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  (916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8
  Replies (12) Good night (4031) Bad night (1278)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2346) Bad night (8942)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.

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  (919): So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee. http://tfl.nu/sup3
  Replies (16) Good night (4892) Bad night (1121)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.

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  (816): she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/xnh2
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (995)
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  (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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  (619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j
  Replies (11) Good night (425) Bad night (1026)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?

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  (512): Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night? http://tfl.nu/ccoz
  Replies (7) Good night (492) Bad night (351)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.

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  (863): If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis. http://tfl.nu/mwio
  Replies (5) Good night (822) Bad night (281)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor

  (206): View more from Washington

  Haha oh no

  (425): View more from Washington

  The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends

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  (425): I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor (206): Haha oh no (425): The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends http://tfl.nu/igx9
  Replies (1) Good night (644) Bad night (298)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night

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  (410): I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night http://tfl.nu/e8ro
  Replies (3) Good night (244) Bad night (531)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous

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  (703): Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous http://tfl.nu/29cn
  Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (390)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude

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  (306): Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude http://tfl.nu/ijqp
  Replies (4) Good night (487) Bad night (337)

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