I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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