my shit smells like andre
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue