M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
