Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
