I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
