Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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