sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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