Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
