it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
