i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
tell me about the eggs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
