I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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