what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
