so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
