theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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