I hate your face
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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