This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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