maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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