you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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