If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
