WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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