she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
