Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
