you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
