batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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