as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
