I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
