I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
where does the pee come out of this thing
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
