Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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