Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
