Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You smell like stripper and shame
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
