they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
