marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
