"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
