D3 body, D1 cock
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
