I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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