Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
