I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
