Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my being single is dangerous.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
