I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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