how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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