remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
