Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Randomize
