Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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