dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
