Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
