yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
