i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
