Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This baby is an asshole
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
